Chapter 1

It was the best of times and the worst of times…at the same time. Then, a mysterious rapper known to most as Ell Ell Coole Jay descendd from the skies…hard. People reeled and were taken aback by the sheer awesomeness of his glory. From his magical memory, Ell Ell brought forth the story to end all stories, mainly because it incorporates every literary world ever created being brought together and then destroyed in a swoop fouler than the most odious flower. Anyways, the story he read was heard to resemble the following:

Michael B. Reynolds II

A Biography

Dictated, but not Read

I didn’t ask for this fame. That’s no lie. My story begins on the rough streets in Columbus, Ohio. No one cares about that though, the real party that is my life has a genesis on the even rougher streets of Powell, Ohio. I spent a good deal of early recreational activity in the woods surrounding the treasure chest that was my house. I learned about metaphors and similes at an early age. My tale is a tale shorter than the line to get into EuroDisney. People have begged me for a long time to set down a few lines. As I sit now, I’m compelled to deny everyone that opportunityand shut the door on this, the beginning chapter. That being said, I will ignite my pencil and throw my life in the gutter.*

*NOTE: Mike was not sitting when this was written, as his biography, that he believes is not an autobiography because someone else is typing it, was dictated. He also did not burn his pencil. The part about throwing his life away…that’s true.